Get Off My Lawn

I can't tell if he's laughing or crying.

Witchy Woman



Halloween . . . the one night of the year my wife can just be herself.

And for those of you who think I’m being hyperbolic, I present to you:

Exhibit A: My Wife Scares Me

Exhibit B: Last night my witch wife went out trick-or-treating with her sister and nephews while I was at work. She “forgot” to bring home even one piece of candy even though she knows how much I love candy and I want all the candy. She apologized and then went on to regale me with stories of all the goodies she consumed (Cheezies and chips!) and to claim that she felt stuffed.

Editor’s Note: The author of this post does not believe his wife to be an actual witch but portrayed her as such for the purposes of humour.

Editor’s Note: No witches were harmed during the writing of this post.

Categories: Humour

Tags: , , ,

47 replies

  1. I can’t believe you can live with her…how dare she be so inconsiderate and not think of you and the candy needs you have =) p.s. I’ve heard there’s something called a grocery store that might be able to help you out =) p.p.s Sorry about your baseball team…yet, i have been rootin for the Royals since my grandparents lived in Lawrence, KS

    Liked by 2 people

  2. That was cold and calloused of her. *high five her way*

    Liked by 3 people

  3. the “my wife scares me” post was brilliant.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. What? No candy? Not even the gross candy corn? On the other hand, maybe she’s being a very good witch and looking after your health. Now that I think about it, it appears you owe your wife a thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Question is — does she weigh as much as a duck?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I think you should spank her with her broom…:) Then you might get 50 shades of candy.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hahaha! Too bad for you. We have about five pounds of candy between the two kids and what was left over in the candy bowl I was giving to trick or treaters.

    The post you linked to cracked me up. My husband doesn’t like it when I scare him. I think faking an asthma attack and keeling over and not breathing took things too far.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. We’re any authors harmed after posting this post?

    Liked by 1 person

  9. This is so abominable, such an atrocity, I have no words. How dare anyone not steal candies from babies, what is this world coming to?

    Liked by 1 person

  10. How terrifying!! I always bring home all the reject candy to my boyfriend! All the black licorice he can eat!!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. What? Black licorice? It is all you wanted???

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Glad no witches were harmed. Or that none hurt you.

    Liked by 1 person

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