Get Off My Lawn

I can't tell if he's laughing or crying.

Look But Don’t Touch


“Maybe just once, someone will call me ‘Sir’ without adding, ‘You’re making a scene.'” –Homer Simpson

Homer 1

I feel your pain, Homer. A quarter century ago, I was making my first visit to the Edmonton Art Gallery. I was so enamoured with a particular painting that I leaned in close and brushed my fingers along the surface. I just had to feel the paint.

The person I was with looked at me in horror and exclaimed, “You can’t do that!” I was snapped out of my spell and came to the realization that I had made a pretty sizeable faux pas.

At that moment a security guard hustled over and said, “Sir, you can look at the paintings but you can’t touch them. Please do no not touch the paintings.” I’m just glad I wasn’t kicked out. D’oh!

This painting hangs in our bedroom. We love it.

This painting hangs in our bedroom. We love it.

Categories: Humour, Non-Fiction

Tags: , , , ,

29 replies

  1. Sounds like something I would have done – sometimes just looking at a painting is not enough. I do that with my paintings at home (totally worthless, but I love them) – but then, I’m only one person, not thousands whose finger oils would destroy the art work.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Well, sheesh, it’s not like you spilled doughnut crumbs or jelly filling on them…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I totally get that impulse.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. So, how did the paint feel?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m a sculptor (or was before wrecking my wrist) and I used to love for people to rub my (I was going to say busts but maybe…) heads. I never understood other sculptors who came unglued over such things!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Some art just screams out to be touched, and those silly little “Do not touch” signs or the thin little ropes are pretty useless if you can’t control the impulse. I applaud your bravery actually. I have wanted to touch so many times, but fear the large cage that I’m sure will descend from the rafters to imprison me.

    Liked by 2 people

    • This art gallary was not terribly big and didn’t have any roped off paintings. I can understand that if they had hundreds of people every year touching a painting it would look like a disaster. The artist might not be very pleased either.
      It was a strong compulsion though. I just had to touch it. It was so beautiful.


  7. My husband hears some variation of that “Sir, you can look, but don’t touch” most nights.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. My 85 year-old mother kept trying to get a closer look at The Scream and a guard warned her twice. She couldn’t hear him and I had to pull her back.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I completely understand the urge to touch paintings, especially if they are in oils or something with texture. I loved Anxious Mom’s comment. Mine to my husband is, “don’t touch what you can’t afford” which always makes him pounce! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Ah, I’m a fan of anyone who can quote Milton as quickly as Simpson. And yet, I’ve always admired another of Homer’s great proclamations: “Well EXCUSE me for having MAJOR flaws that I DON’T work on.”


    Liked by 1 person

  11. Haha! I admit, some of them do seem to entice more than others, but you must NEVER. 😛

    Liked by 1 person

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