Get Off My Lawn

I can't tell if he's laughing or crying.

Deathbed Regret

The amount of time I spend looking on my phone for just the right icon to accompany a text message is something I’m sure to regret on my deathbed, yet I am powerless to stop. In fact, it is possible that in the final moments of my life, in a weakened state, my body racked with some virus of the future that originated in China (because China has pig farms on bird migration routes and the birds drink the polluted, poopy water and thus incubate new and powerful viruses), I will be scrolling through to find that one icon that is a poop with eyes. Because it cracks me up every time. Because I’m ten. And it does not matter if I’m texting about a Blue Jays game, what time I’ll be home, or something that happened to me on the bus. A random poop will be inserted somewhere.

This could be ice cream but I choose to think of it as poop with eyes.

This could be ice cream but I choose to think of it as poop with eyes.

And my loved ones will say, “Well, he died doing what he loved: sending us a picture that only slightly relates to the writing it accompanies.”

I hope it doesn’t come to that, but really, what choice do I have?

Categories: Humour

Tags: , , , , ,

53 replies

  1. I’m a big fan of the poop myself. Nothing wrong with that;)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Well, while you’re on your deathbed regretting your poop emoji, I’ll be on mine regretting the time I spent trying to come up with just the right 140 characters (or less) for a tweet. Sometimes I tell myself, “Just tweet the stupid thing already.” But no, I need to take my time. Make sure it’s just right…

    Liked by 4 people

  3. I just read an entire post about poop and regret. *slow clap*

    Liked by 1 person

  4. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! LOVE that poop icon!!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. That is totally poop with eyes, not ice cream. I like to randomly send the butcher knife when I want to sound threatening. I use the dancing lady in a red dress and the wine one a lot, but rarely the poop.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m rushing off to work or I’d leave a longer comment. SO funny and relateable (is that a word?) . I’m an Emoji Hunter as well and also a Twitter worrier like Carrie. Off to work!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Hilarious! Little squiggly vertical lines

    Liked by 2 people

  8. A poop. No mistake. Relevant.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I agree, it looks like poop to me.
    Your writing is not poop.
    Your writing is more like exotic ice cream, like peach bourbon pecan,
    A few weeks ago, Moo sent texts to her friend and used every.single.emoticon. so now all my emoticons are almost in reverse and I actually hafta hunt for the right ones. Very disturbing on an emoji level.
    I’m on my laptop, so I’ll describe the emoticon I would use. The yellow face with its tongue out, one X eye and one wide eye. I feel sooo…fulfilled now.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. I think you’ve soured me off whipped chocolate ice cream! Lol! We all have to let our inner four year olds out!

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Emoticoning is an art-form, and as with all art, requires time and dedication.

    I support you all the way!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I’ve missed you, John! I love receiving the happy poop guy but have yet to send him. I’m stuck in an emoticon rut. Something about thumbs up and hearts. Lots of hearts ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  13. You and I, Johnny, You and I…will be doing SoMeThinG tied to blogging on our death bed.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. If I sent a deathbed text, I would make such a mess whoever got it would probably be spraying coffe laughing trying to decipher before they figured out what it was. My daughter got a horrible text once that said. We found her. Been dead 3 days. In her bed with all candles lit. She never did find out who ant it.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. This had me laughing out loud before I finished reading the first sentence haha. I totally look for the perfect Emoji as well. The poop one, though, I avoid like those viruses. Could be a guy thing? I realize that’s a completely sexist comment. Sorry, gentlemen. I think I have that opinion based on my grandsons’ texts. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

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