Get Off My Lawn

I can't tell if he's laughing or crying.

Josh Duggar is Making Jesus Cry

wpid-2015-08-20-18-14-07-473696762.jpeg

Josh Duggar is turning out to be a hound dog of monumental proportions. He has two accounts on the Ashley Madison web site. A web site that facilitates individuals who are seeking to have extra marital affairs and he says that, yes, he has had an affair. With a woman. A woman that was not his wife. Or his sister. And he’s admitting to being addicted to internet porn. You’re […]

Continue Reading →

It’s A Boy!

How the hell would you put a diaper on this thing?

So this past Wednesday I had a sebaceous cyst removed from the middle of my back. I’d had this thing, this squatter fetus which I took to calling Fester, for eight years. I was told it would be a quick procedure taking maybe fifteen or twenty minutes. It actually took about an hour. What the doctor cut out was just a bit smaller than a golf ball. He said the cyst was far bigger than he initially […]

Continue Reading →

Kids With Cancer Are Useless

This is what an American war hero looks like.

Okay, so before everyone has a kitten, let me explain. I am using some of that brand spanking new logic rolled out this past week by Donald Trump. According to Trump, John McCain is not to be commended for his war record because he spent five and a half years being held prisoner and enduring torture. The real hero is the man who never went to Vietnam (this would be The […]

Continue Reading →

Requiem For a Carbuncle

Black amd white small flowers and buds.

Originally posted on Behind the White Coat:
?? With awful? Purulent offal Fester was filled Spurting forth From bowels Oder most Foul Detritus? And creamy pus Mingled there A pocket of Sebaceous Sterile room Impaled Lanced, drained Excised None remained Fester had met His demise A few days ago, John Callaghan wrote a side splitting post about his own sebaceous cyst, Fester (please, please check out his post here). That…

Continue Reading →

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?

The Giver

So Sunday was my birthday (I’ll pause while the audience cheers), and I celebrated by watching The Giver, a movie so horrible it was comical. We have some friends over for a “bad movie night” once every couple of months. Our one friend is like one of those pigs that finds truffles in the forest, except his talent is finding really shitty movies. About halfway through the movie, I could smell […]

Continue Reading →

Deathbed Regret

This could be ice cream but I choose to think of it as poop with eyes.

The amount of time I spend looking on my phone for just the right icon to accompany a text message is something I’m sure to regret on my deathbed, yet I am powerless to stop. In fact, it is possible that in the final moments of my life, in a weakened state, my body racked with some virus of the future that originated in China (because China has pig farms on bird migration […]

Continue Reading →

Things That Made Me Happy and Sad These Past Two Weeks

EPS Shot

Things that have made me sad: An Edmonton police officer was shot and killed while serving a warrant. The nut job who shot him was one of Freemen on the Land, a quasi militia group that is dedicated to hate and does not recognize the authority of the government. This was the first Edmonton police officer killed in the line of duty in 25 years. Things that have made me happy: I saw Mad Max: Fury […]

Continue Reading →

Prisoner Transport: Conclusion

The bus I took did not look like this, but I wish it had.

Prisoner Transport Part 1 and Part 2. Our bus driver’s name was Mrs. Dodoo. Her son Stephen rode the bus as well and was in the same grade as me. Not only did poor Stephen have an unfortunate last name, he was, even by our backwoods standards, an odd-looking fellow. He had huge, brown, wide-set eyes and a nose and chin that looked like they had been malleable at one time and […]

Continue Reading →

Prisoner Transport: Part 2

Motley Crue 1

Prisoner Transport: Part 1 The school bus had become our sanctuary, an oasis of acceptance in a vast desert of judgement where cruelty was a form of currency and there was always an abundance to spend. Children doled out to other children small nightmares as though their survival depended on it. The wrong kind of jeans could banish any one of us to “bottom bitch” status where identity was reduced to that of victim. […]

Continue Reading →

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 318 other followers