Get Off My Lawn

I can't tell if he's laughing or crying.

A Secret and a Grave

Funeral 3

I dreamed that my grandfather died and in this dream it felt as though my soul were emptying out an ocean’s worth of grief. I woke up confused. I was seven years old and had met my grandfather only twice. Why would I have become so overwhelmed with sorrow for a man who, for me, was the spectre of a grandpa and not a real presence in my life? Grandpa […]

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Punch Line

Originally posted on A Holistic Journey:
The year after my father left us, we went on welfare. My mother, brother, and I moved into a tiny piece of row housing that was six units, brown, and looking as though it had been slapped around one too many times. This wasn’t the kind of place that was maintained, because by the time you ended up there survival was the goal and beautification…

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Josh Duggar is Making Jesus Cry


Josh Duggar is turning out to be a hound dog of monumental proportions. He has two accounts on the Ashley Madison web site. A web site that facilitates individuals who are seeking to have extra marital affairs and he says that, yes, he has had an affair. With a woman. A woman that was not his wife. Or his sister. And he’s admitting to being addicted to internet porn. You’re […]

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It’s A Boy!

How the hell would you put a diaper on this thing?

So this past Wednesday I had a sebaceous cyst removed from the middle of my back. I’d had this thing, this squatter fetus which I took to calling Fester, for eight years. I was told it would be a quick procedure taking maybe fifteen or twenty minutes. It actually took about an hour. What the doctor cut out was just a bit smaller than a golf ball. He said the cyst was far bigger than he initially […]

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Kids With Cancer Are Useless

This is what an American war hero looks like.

Okay, so before everyone has a kitten, let me explain. I am using some of that brand spanking new logic rolled out this past week by Donald Trump. According to Trump, John McCain is not to be commended for his war record because he spent five and a half years being held prisoner and enduring torture. The real hero is the man who never went to Vietnam (this would be The […]

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Requiem For a Carbuncle

Black amd white small flowers and buds.

Originally posted on Behind the White Coat:
?? With awful? Purulent offal Fester was filled Spurting forth From bowels Oder most Foul Detritus? And creamy pus Mingled there A pocket of Sebaceous Sterile room Impaled Lanced, drained Excised None remained Fester had met His demise A few days ago, John Callaghan wrote a side splitting post about his own sebaceous cyst, Fester (please, please check out his post here). That…

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Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?

The Giver

So Sunday was my birthday (I’ll pause while the audience cheers), and I celebrated by watching The Giver, a movie so horrible it was comical. We have some friends over for a “bad movie night” once every couple of months. Our one friend is like one of those pigs that finds truffles in the forest, except his talent is finding really shitty movies. About halfway through the movie, I could smell […]

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Deathbed Regret

This could be ice cream but I choose to think of it as poop with eyes.

The amount of time I spend looking on my phone for just the right icon to accompany a text message is something I’m sure to regret on my deathbed, yet I am powerless to stop. In fact, it is possible that in the final moments of my life, in a weakened state, my body racked with some virus of the future that originated in China (because China has pig farms on bird migration […]

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